Biscuits, Split & Buttered

I want it understood that "tea biscuits" are not, in fact biscuits. Biscuits are supposed to be tall and fluffy, kneaded for half an hour by a short, no-nonsense woman with forearms like Popeye. They're supposed to be taken right from the oven and split on a plate, with a pat of butter for each half. If you want bonus points, slowly drizzle some honey over those bad boys...